Just a Thought

I was rereading Chapter Two of Wood Elves and I realized how forced my writing sounded. If you agree with me, please offer suggestions on how to fix it! Thanks!

~Lauren

Chapter Two-Wood Elves

~: Chapter Two :~

The Palace of Keri, the Semi-Evil

“Hey, Roksi! How are you?” Alkhi asked the respected young man, “I’m well, thank you. You look well yourself. Is there something you needed?” Roksi replied.

“Well, yes, there is. I was wondering when the councilmen are having there next meeting, because there is something I want to ask them.” Alkhi looked nervous as he spoke to Roksi, which made him wonder what he wanted to ask the councilmen.

“Tomorrow is the next meeting, Alkhi. What is it you want to ask them?” “I’d rather not say. It’s like a surprise. Do you mind, Roksi?” the younger one told him.

“No, I respect your judgment. Well, see you later then, I must take care of my horse.” With that, Roksi left. Alkhi decided to go for a walk in the woods. As he strolled along, he became aware of a strange, foul smell. As the stench grew stronger, his eyes narrowed. He had smelled that before. Quickly he hid behind a tree, and peeked out so that he had just enough room to see. Alkhi gasped at the sight before him. Zared had covered something in a black mass, which he remembered was called a Black Arrow or BA for short, and were heaving it towards the direction of the Shadow Wood. He would have attacked, but they out-numbered him by quiet a bit. He quickly sped back to the village and rang the alarm bell, which soon had everyone gathered around it.

“Where is the Ri?” Alkhi called out.

“I am over here, son of Tomasii.” The Ri called to him. He walked briskly up to Alkhi, listened to the words he whispered in his ear, and then said, in his loud, booming voice.

“It seems that the Zared traveled dangerously close to our village just moments ago, capturing something, or someone. Is anyone missing?” he knew this would take a minute, so he asked Alkhi if he remembered anything else.

“Well, I believe it was a someone, not a something, and the person was a lady because it wore a deep brown velvet dress. I saw just the ends of the skirt part being swallowed up by the BA, so that’s how I know.” Alkhi said this quickly and worriedly, searching the crowd with his eyes.

“Hmm, I see. Everyone! Listen! The person was a lady, and she was wearing a dark brown dress. Does anyone-?” but he was cut of by a loud wail from the crowd. Then a voice shouted,

“No! Oh no, it can’t be! Oh gracious Ri, please send your fastest and bravest men on horseback to save my cousin! Oh!” the girl continued to wail and cry out, but the Ri became impatient.

“Daughter of Evelyn, state the captured one’s name!” she looked up into his face and tearfully said,

“It is Dawn! Dawn was captured! My dear, dear Dawn…” Violet began crying again, this time softer. Then, suddenly, she looked the Ri in his eyes and said,

“Sir, Roksi and I shall rescue Dawn. We are both skilled fighters, and are excellent riders. I would be honored if you allowed us to venture to the Zared’s lair and rescue my cousin. Besides, if someone else rescues her, I’ll never hear the end of it.” Violet managed a smile, and looked hopefully at the powerful Ri. He stared at her, and then finally spoke,

“Daughter of Evelyn, you and Roksi may go and attempt a rescue. You will need one more person on your quest, though. Who volunteers?” the Ri silently gazed at the crowd.

“I shall go and help save the, uh, daughter of, um, Wendi.” Alkhi said. Roksi smiled. The Ri nodded. And Violet beamed. They weren’t aware that the Zared were having a little trouble with Dawn….

<<>>

“Let me GO! I am SERIOUS! I will have your heads CUT OFF!” Dawn screamed, exasperated. The Zared had carried her in that icky glob until they were far away from her village, then they let her walk. At the time, the BA had drained her energy, making her to exhausted to talk. But when she regained her strength… “You little wretches!!! I’m gonna get you for this!!!”…. Let’s just say the Zared wished they’d left her in the BA. They had finally reached a grand palace, and quickly the Zared handed her off to some guards with special orders from the Zar and Keri. The guards then disposed her to some maids, which in turn began to scrub and wash and dress her. Dawn soon found herself in a grand courtroom. She was led down the carpeted walkway, and soon found herself standing in front of the biggest throne she had ever seen. What amazed her more was the person sitting on the throne. He was tall, blonde, and had green eyes. She continued to gape at him as he rose and pointed his scepter at her.

“Fools! They brought me the wrong girl! I can’t marry a shrimp! Guards, take her!” with that, he sat down again. Dawn glared at the slightly plump king, and shouted,

“What? I am not good enough for you?” she smirked up at him, thinking about all the bad things he’d done during his reign. He glared down at her aghast, and said,

“No, actually, I just wanted a different girl. You know, the tall one. Guards, take her to my chamber. I’ll deal with her myself.” Dawn continued to glare at him as she was led away by the guards. Back in the Slithering Stream about five miles from Hidden Forest…

<<>>

“Where do you think they took her?” Violet asked Roksi. He grunted as a reply, but then said,

“I’m not sure. Thankfully their footprints seem clear enough in the mud. From the direction the prints are going, they were most likely headed for…” “Keri’s palace. Or at least it looks like it.” Alkhi interrupted. Violet grinned. “And what, do you suppose, Keri wants with Dawn?” Roksi suddenly stopped in his tracks, causing Violet to almost run into him.

“What is it Roksi-?”

“Zared. I can sense it…” with that he pulled out his long, glistening sword. Alkhi pulled out his bow, as did Violet. Aiming at the surrounding woods, Violet pivoted in place trying to catch a movement, but all was still.

“Are you sure?” Alkhi asked, as he didn’t sense anything.

“… No… not Zared… Something else. Something bad, like we’re heading for a trap.” Violet gulped, and raising a single finger pointed towards the dense trees behind them.

“Oh snap…” Alkhi muttered as large, blinking eyes stared back at him. With a haughty laugh, Keri stepped out from behind the trees and grabbed Violet’s arm, dragging her down.

“Uuugh!” she cried out, her arm twisting painfully.

“Let her go!” Alkhi growled, stepping closer, only to be stopped by Roksi, who motioned towards the Zared. He submitted, but not without glaring at Keri.

“Gloroisi! Bring her forward.” Out stepped a handsome young man, dragging a ragged looking Dawn. Her mouth was bound shut, but you could hear an audible gasp as her eyes caught sight of her friends. Suddenly, they filled with tears when she realized she had been used as bait for the trap. Roksi stepped forward and said,

“What is it you want? We have done nothing to offend you.” Keri grinned, replying,

“No, but I don’t have a bride. That is what I, and my mother, want. So, I searched every village till I came to the one I wanted. This beauty-“ he shook the arm which he held, making Violet gasp, “-is the one I want. So, you may be on your way. Gloroisi, hand over the girl.” Gloroisi hesitated, and then clearing his throat, asked,

“Would it please you if I was allowed to have this one for myself? If you have no use of her…” a grunting sound came from Dawn, but was silenced by a sharp kick from one of the surrounding Zared. Keri thought for a moment, and then said,

“Yes, you may have her. She is worth nothing to me.” With an evil grin, Gloroisi backed away, with Dawn in tow.

“This will not be the last time you see or hear from us. You will be sorry for what you have done!” with that, Roksi and Alkhi ran off. The Zared looked hungrily after them, but Keri motioned for them to stay.

Wood Elves: Chapter One

~: Chapter One :~

The Wood Elves of Hidden Forest

“Come on Vi, catch up!” Dawn called out to her younger cousin. “I’m coming! You know how much Rosewood hates mulberry bushes! That patch was especially horrible for her to get through without throwing me off.” Violet yelled back at Dawn, as she urged her horse to speed up. “Oh, by the way, do you remember when the Ri wanted us back?” Dawn asked absentmindedly. “Do I remember? Yes, but he told you, as the oldest, to remember and bring us back on time. Even though you never do. I wish the Ri would just put me in charge!” Vi replied, adding, “I look and act older. I’m tall, even for an elf, and I am much more mature than you.” Dawn rolled her eyes saying, “You wish! I don’t always make us late.” “Uh-huh. The only time we weren’t late was when Roksi was with us. You would go to the Shadow Wood if he told you to.” Vi told her teasingly. “Why you little-!” but she didn’t finish her sentence. They heard it. They stared at each other. What the Ri would say, they really didn’t want to know. They both lowered their gaze as a tall, majestic black horse stepped calmly toward them. The rider was large, muscular, and quite frightening. He did not look calm. “Daughter of Evelyn and daughter of Wendi. How dare you wander carelessly close to the terrible, forbidden, Shadow Wood! Did I not tell everyone to return by sundown? Look! It is near midnight! Do you think the Zared would have left you alone, knowing you are both valuable to out kingdom? You must return know, and await your punishment in the morning. And I assure you, it will not be an easy task.” The Ri turned and galloped off, his group of men following. Roksi rode up to them, and looked at Dawn with anger in his eyes. She lowered her gaze from his, tears welling up in her eyes at the hurtful glance. Vi stepped her horse closer to Misty, Dawn’s horse, and patted her short cousin on the shoulder. She then galloped off with the rest of the group.

Not far from this scene, the Zared stared with their bulging eyes at the two young, beautiful princesses. Just out of their grasp, they thought to themselves. They must go tell Zar at once! He will tell them how to capture these gorgeous girls as a valuable prize!

<<>>

“Dawn? Dawn wake up! You would think with a name like that, you would get up at a reasonable time. Hurry, we have just enough time to get ready before the Ri calls us. Come!” Vi said, yanking the warm leaflet off of her cousin. “All right, I’m coming! Hand me my brush, will you?” Dawn asked, yawning. She sat up in bed and brushed her long, black hair. Glancing sideways, she saw Violet brushing her own long, chestnut hair. Vi put her hair into a tight side braid that was rather becoming. Dawn rolled her eyes and let her long tresses hang loose. “You might want to put your hair up. I think I know what the Ri is going to make us do.” Vi told her cousin. “I don’t care. Who am I trying to impress, anyway?” Vi giggled as Roksi entered their tent. “The Ri will see you now.” He told them, his eyes never leaving Dawn’s face. “Yes, Roksi.” Dawn answered, her voice quivering. He quickly left the tent. “Ahem?” Vi asked, tapping her foot on the ground. Dawn grumbled something and threw a pillow at Violet who dodged the blow. The tall six-teen and short seven-teen year old girls walked outside, their long dresses swishing. “Girls, I have decided upon your punishment. You will clip and trim each elf’s family tree. Beginning with mine.” The Ri told them. “Yes, sir.” Violet said, knowing that Dawn was too ashamed to say anything. They walked over to the Ri’s tent and looked at the tall tree. “You ready?” Violet asked her cousin. “Ready as I’ll ever be.” She replied, as they grabbed clippers and swung high in the branches. Thankfully, they were both excellent climbers witch made the task easier. They began clipping away. An hour later they had done half of the small village. The next tree was Alkhi’s. Being seven-teen he was now old enough to have his own tent and tree. Dawn glanced at Violet and wondered why she was so pink. The work wasn’t that hard, was it? “Vi, are you okay?” Dawn asked. “Um, yeah, I’m fine. Let’s start at the top, okay?” Dawn stared at her. She usually wanted to start at the bottom. She wondered why she suddenly didn’t want to. “Sure, I’m game if you are.” Dawn replied, not worrying about it. “Oh, good.” Vi said, obviously glad. She quickly swung high into the tree, chopping away. “How about you start a branch lower than mine, and I’ll trim all the spots you miss?” Vi suggested. “Uh, okay.” Dawn replied. Violet glanced down. ‘Good, she shouldn’t notice’ Vi thought to herself as she reached her hand into the case that held her dagger. She quickly carved something on the tree, and then put the dagger back in place. When they reached the bottom, Alkhi stood there smiling at them. “You did good, Violet and Dawn.” He said, looking at Violet. She lowered her eyes and mumbled a thank-you. “Your welcome.” He said staring at her quietly. Violet smiled, then they both walked to the next tree. “It’s alright, I trimmed it yesterday.” Roksi told them. The Ri, who was near by, stared at Roksi hard, then turned around. “Oh, alright… I think Alma is next. Come on, Vi.” Dawn said. They walked over to the old woman’s tent and entered, knowing the lady would want to tell them about every nook and cranny in her tree, even though they already knew them all. “Well, darlings how are you? Got yourselves into more trouble, aye?” the white haired woman asked, staring at Dawn. “Um, it was really my fault Aunty Alma, I knew we were out to late, but I didn’t say anything to Dawn about it.” Vi said, trying to shift the blame a little. Dawn gave her a grateful smile, and then turned to Alma. “It is my responsibility of how long we are out, and I wasn’t paying enough attention. I know I won’t do it again.” Dawn said, her cheeks getting warm. “You forgot one thing, my little Dawn,” the lady said, smiling sweetly, “You also want to impress your love, and hope that he will love you in return.” Dawn had now turned vary red, and quickly ducked out of the tent, with the excuse of wanting to get the tree done. ‘Hmm, young love. It’s so sweet and innocent.’ Alma said to herself. Turning towards Violet, she waved her off, telling her to get the tree done. By three o’clock they had finished the village. Smiling, Vi skipped off to groom Rosewood, who loved it when her coat was shiny. Gleeful Hidden Forest had no idea that the Zared were scheming to there hearts content. The leader of the Zared, the evil Zar, had once been a Silver Elf, but not being satisfied with the position that we would call a Duke, he rebelled and tried to uproot the Golden Elf that was ruling at the time. The Golden/Gold Elf was the king of all elves. The Golden Elf he tried to uproot had been named Karli. He had a queen named Roha and a daughter named Ramah and a son named Keri. Karli died in a battle against a group of rebelling Dwarves, leaving his six-teen year old son (Keri) in charge. Keri hadn’t been the wisest king, leaving his people to defend themselves against the rising Zared without his help, or his men. The bloodthirsty Zared tormented whole elf villages with no mercy at all. With their ragged cloaks, bulging eyes, and wrinkled skin, it’s no wonder everyone is so terrified of them.

Back to the Hidden Forest. Dawn had wandered off of into a small opening in the woods near the wood elf village, looking for Elvin berries. She quickly found some and began picking the ripe, purple fruit. She was so lost in her thoughts that the quiet, clumsy footsteps she should’ve heard were silent to her ears. Dawn suddenly had a prickly feeling crawling up her back, and she quickly turned around. Oh! Zared everywhere! She quickly grabbed her bow that she always kept with her, and drew out and shot arrows with lightning speed. But it wasn’t enough. She had been so focused that she didn’t think to scream. Then an unusually tall Zared jumped up and threw an icky black, foul-smelling slime ball at her. She tried to call out, but the smelly mass covered her quickly and she soon blacked out.

Chapter Two coming soon!

~LaLa

Wood Elves: Just Some Info

Okay, so as I start posting more of my book/story, Wood Elves, I was wondering if you guys would give my some ideas for a title. I like Wood Elves, but if ya'll could come up with something different, my mind is wide open!!! Also, everything in my book is fictitious, but some of the characters are based on people I know :) enjoy!!!!!!

~LaLa

Okay, here is a preview of my book, which is in progress, called Wood Elves. At least, that's the title for now :) well, here it is!

Dawn had wandered off into a small opening in the woods near the wood elf village, looking for Elvin berries. She quickly found some and began picking the ripe, purple fruit. She was so lost in her thoughts that the quiet, clumsy footsteps she should’ve heard were silent to her ears. Dawn suddenly had a prickly feeling crawling up her back, and she quickly turned around. Oh! Zared everywhere! She quickly grabbed her bow that she always kept with her, and drew out and shot arrows with lightning speed. But it wasn’t enough. She had been so focused that she didn’t think to scream. Then an unusually tall Zared jumped up and threw an icky black, foul-smelling slime ball at her. She tried to call out, but the smelly mass covered her quickly and she soon blacked out.

Thanks!!!

~LaLa

Hey! First Post!

Hey! So I just started, so I'll tell ya'll what this blog's about. Right now, when I grow up, I want to be a writer and an actress. So, as a writer, I will post some of my stories here. I hope you like them :D

~LaLa